How to Begin a Positive Self-Talk Practice
We all have an inner voice; it motivates us and helps us to relate to ourselves and process our experiences. What has your inner voice been saying lately? Is it a soft refrain of inner confidence, or more likely, a resounding song of insecurity? Without attention to this internal narrative, it is all too easy to fall into a habit of negative self-talk. Even open-hearted, generous people, who are the first to call out negative self-talk in their loved ones can have a hard time developing their own positive self-talk practice.
So how do you shut down those internal criticisms for good and increase confidence in yourself? Positive affirmations are a powerful practice to develop, one that can increase confidence, self-esteem, and motivation. It can feel strange to start the process of adding positive affirmations to your life, but there are many reasons it can help. Guiding your inner voice toward recognizing the good in you can be a healing force to undo old toxic patterns and help you work past wounds and struggles.
Why you need positive self-talk
When we talk to ourselves, it can be easy to veer toward the negative. Throughout our lives, we receive a lot of messaging about what we “should” do, be, say, and act, and that repetition can be easy to internalize. On top of that, ruminating on negative events and negative feelings often has its roots in trauma and directly influences your self-talk. If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, those experiences can embed themselves as part of your inner voice, extending the trauma from your past into your day-to-day life now.
Negative self-talk hurts
Persistent negative self-talk can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and lack of motivation. You may already be noticing these effects, as negative self-talk can often be a long-term issue. If you find yourself noticing that your self-talk persistently veers toward the negative, it’s a great time to start cultivating a positive self-talk practice.
Finding inner validation heals
When we look for validation only from those around us, and not even from ourselves, we lose a sense of who we are. Your idea of yourself can become difficult for you to separate from how you are perceived by others. This blurry sense of self leaves you open to toxic messaging, erodes your boundaries, and can leave you perpetually searching for an external message about how to be, or how to think about yourself.
When you develop a solid source of self-validation, you can stop seeking constant external information about who and how you are, and find out for yourself. You can choose what external validation you seek and accept. You can become a source of well-being for yourself, by building trust in yourself, increasing your confidence, and guiding your self-talk toward recognizing your positives.
How to talk to yourself, positively
Practice, practice, practice
When starting a positive self-talk practice, the word “practice” is key! Start paying attention to your thoughts, particularly those that are targeted toward yourself. Try to catch yourself in negative self-talk; don’t try to shame or blame yourself, however, just notice. Treat it as a mindfulness practice; you’re being mindful of how you talk to yourself.
When you notice negative self-talk, pause. Offer yourself a positive alternative to whatever you’ve just told yourself. Try to follow up a negative thought, perhaps about something at work, with more positive self-talk like, “I learn from my mistakes” or “I work hard at what I do.”
It can feel unnatural to do this at first! You’re making a large change in your mindset, a radical one toward self-compassion. Change can feel strange, but the benefits to replacing negative with positive when it comes to self-talk are substantial. As you start to notice and catch negative self-talk more often, replacing it with the positive will become a regular practice, one that gets easier. Just keep practicing.
“You”, not “I”
One simple, small change you can make is to talk to yourself using “you” statements, instead of “I” statements. “You can do this!” will have more emotional impact than “I can do this”. Creating a little bit of psychological distance in your self-talk helps you work through tough situations better, and helps your self-talk encourage you even more.
Keep some phrases handy to use regularly
If you want to tailor your positive affirmations to you, that’s great! But if you’re having a hard time getting started, or feel like positive self-talk feels silly or uncomfortable, we have some suggestions. Repeating these to yourself can get you started, allowing you to grow into the type of person who uses positive self-talk with ease.
When you could use some motivation:
“You can do this!”
“You’re doing a good job.”
“You’re doing the work that needs doing.”
“Progress over perfection.”
When you need to be reminded about how you matter:
“You are loved, you are loveable. I love you.”
“I will take care of you. You are worth the effort.”
“You are special. You matter.”
“I accept you. All of you.”
“Look at all the good you do.”
When you’ve made a mistake, or are being hard on yourself:
“I forgive you. You did your best.”
“You’re learning, good work!”
“You’ve succeeded before, you will succeed again.”
“This is part of the process. You are in process.”
As you practice, know that you’re doing work that can help heal old wounds. If you find you need extra guidance in your process, Robin is here to support you as you develop a positive self-talk practice. Heal your old trauma and grow into the fully realized woman you know you can be.
