For the Reluctant Man in Your Life Considering Therapy
For a man who always has the answers and wants to be the fixer, it can be difficult to recognize when it's time to ask for support. Especially when it comes to your mental health or emotions.
But going to therapy isn't just for people who are overwhelmed, stressed, weak or incapable. Therapy is for everyone and this blog is for every man who is curious but not too sure it's really "for him.”
Why don't men want to go to therapy?
Men don’t go to therapy because they’re not supposed to.
The reputation of therapy and the fragile strength of masculinity are at odds when pitted against one another in the stereotypical culture. Even though the real experiences and needs of men reflect a need for mental health care, getting them into the therapy chair continues to be an uphill battle. Leading researcher and former head of the APA Adam Levant scoffs at the sweeping dismissal of therapy as a viable option for men. He went so far as to tell a magazine that therapy was “created by men for women” and because of that perception, the field is still playing catch up.
Men don’t go to therapy because it’s difficult to access.
When therapy itself is an uphill battle, the barriers to getting care can make it a seemingly impossible feat. Between managing the expense of therapy and finding clinicians specialized in supporting men’s mental health needs, accessibility is limited. We as clinicians have a duty to create more opportunities for men to get the support they need, and at Reimagine Her Therapy, we aim to do so by creating conversations just like this. Our expanded telehealth services have also helped to support men with busy schedules to access therapy in their comfort zone.
Men don’t go to therapy because they aren’t ready.
If therapy feels overwhelming or too far out of reach, you're not alone. Many men tell me that they struggle to have conversations about their mental health in their relationships or friendships. Having those talks with a stranger is downright terrifying.
All of these reasons are valid. But if you are suffering, you don’t have to do it alone. Barriers can become breakthroughs. We can work together to find your stride and create the support you need. You will not be less of a man; instead, you’ll be a maverick for men’s mental health starting with your own.
EMDR: A therapy cheat code?
If you’ve ever spent time in front of a gaming console, you may affectionately remember a time when hacks and cheat codes helped you get the most from the game while cutting hours off your play time. Eye Movement Desensitization Reprogramming (or just EMDR) is the mental health and trauma-healing equivalent of those shortcuts. You can read more about what EMDR therapy is and how it works here, but the short version is that it bypasses the painful talking part of overcoming trauma through reliving it. Instead, we will use repetitive stimulation to activate the memory centers of your brain and create new associations and beliefs around those pain points.
Adding this kind of mental health hack to your therapy toolkit may help you to feel that there’s more incentive to continue with therapy. You’ll make progress you can track, and this can help fuel you through the more tender areas of talking through the subjects that need a different kind of support. While there is no real hack to getting through therapy and finding meaningful growth in your life, EMDR might be the kind of cheat code you’ve been looking for to make progress where it hurts the most.
How to start therapy
Are you expecting this next line to be some sort of dismissive and oversimplified thing that’s empowering you to act as if you were just waiting for permission?
Because it’s not that simple, but maybe it would be if everyone realized how much effort it is to ask for support when you feel stressed, stagnant, and utterly lost in your own emotions. Revealing your vulnerabilities to a stranger might feel like too much but maybe we can find a cheat code for that as well. Getting into therapy is hard work and if you’re considering it, I’m already proud of you.
Here are three tips I can give you right now to help you prepare for starting therapy:
Make a list of all the reasons you don’t want to go. Then, destroy it. The symbolism of divorcing your expectations with your next step is powerful.
Swipe right on a couple of therapists with the casual nature of a dating app. Just because you send an email or ask a question doesn’t mean you have to commit to it and reminding yourself of that can help it seem less scary to take that first step.
Ask yourself what a therapist can help you do. Creating an empowerment agenda instead of a fragile one can help you feel empowered to ask for help reaching your goals instead of support in a space where you already feel fear.
The absolute first step to starting therapy happens right here and now, in your own space. You can take up space, make decisions and find support. Knowing that is the foundational block to every incredible step toward growth that you’re about to take.
Make the change for a new generation of men that encourages them to chase emotional fulfillment, nurtures vulnerability, and creates space for conversations about everything happening in their lives.
